Memoir of a Christian Lover Girl-Episode 4

Read episode 3 here

I couldn’t believe it was happening. I closed my eyes and he kissed me deeper. Instantly, an alarm bell went off in my head and I pushed him back. What were we doing!? We were believers for crying out loud. I lowered my eyes as I couldn’t look at his face. The atmosphere was awkward for a moment. Then he coughed and spoke.

‘Why did you push me away?’ he asked.

‘Because what we were doing is wrong’, I answered.

‘Says who?’ He asked with a queer look on his face.

I looked at him. Did he really ask that question?

‘The Bible’, I replied.

He brought out his phone from his pocket.

‘Open to the scripture that says kissing is a sin and read it out to me’, he said as he thrust the phone at me.

I took the phone from him without taking my eyes off his face. My mind was jumbled up, and I wasn’t even processing my thoughts.

‘I’m waiting for you’, he said.

‘Gozie stop this joke. Kissing is a form of sexual intimacy and we shouldn’t be involved in that since we are not married yet’.

‘You are getting it mixed up, my darling angel’, he started. The Bible says premarital sex is a sin. Fornication is a sin. Adultery is a sin. Homosexuality is a sin. Nowhere was it mentioned that kissing before marriage is a sin. In fact, in the days of old, kissing was a form of greeting. So I don’t understand when you say kissing is a sin. Kissing is only a means of expressing love between persons who are in a serious relationship. It is pure and harmless. Do you get it now?’

My head was spinning. Truthfully, I had never come across a portion of the bible that expressly mentioned kissing outside marriage as a sin. The Bible only talked about sexual immorality in general. Kissing was sexual immorality, wasn’t it?

Gozie took my hands in his. ‘Angel’, he started. ‘God frowns at fornication and for that reason, I will never ask you to have sex with me. But God understands that we are flesh and not spirits and that is why He made provision for non-sexual acts like holding hands, touching, pecking, kissing etc. So, we haven’t committed any sin, okay?’

I wasn’t convinced. ‘Why do you say kissing is a non-sexual act? Does it not have the potency of leading to sex? Is it not a form of sexual intimacy?’

‘It becomes a sin when it leads to sex outside marriage. As long as it doesn’t lead to sex, then there is no cause for alarm, okay?’

‘The Bible advises us to flee from all forms of sexual immorality. Isn’t kissing a lady who is not yet your wife a form of sexual immorality?

‘No my Angel. Kissing is just a means of bonding. Do you understand?’

I nodded my head. I was still feeling the effect of the kiss.

‘Can we leave now?’ I asked.

‘Sure’, he responded.

All through the ride back to school, all I could think of was the feel of Gozie’s lips against mine. I would have to admit, it felt so good. I touched my lips to assure myself that it was real. My conscience pricked me at this realization. But did kissing outside marriage go against God’s standard for purity? I became confused as to what I now believed.

The next morning, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Even during my quiet time with the Lord, my mind kept drifting back to the kiss. When I realized I had spent more than twenty minutes on just two verses of the scriptural passage for that morning, I just closed my Bible, recited the Lord’s Prayer and jumped into the bathroom. It felt as if that kiss had increased the love I had for Gozie.  There was a certain connection that I now felt which was new and strange, inexplicable.

Three days after, Ezinma left for home to spend the long vacation. She had finished her exams before me and since she lived in Akure, she was eager to see her family again.

I escorted her to the bus park and as she boarded, she said to me ‘Goody, try to visit Mummy Okoro once you get home. Be a good girl and don’t be naughty o’.

I laughed as I playfully tapped her head. ‘I won’t’, I responded.

I lived in Owerri which was approximately two hours from Enugu so I didn’t see the need to rush home. Besides, I needed to be with Gozie for as long as possible since he lived in Lagos and once I left Enugu, I didn’t know when I would be able to see him again.

That evening, he sent me a text message asking me to meet him at the Chapel by 6 pm so we could pray and study the Word together. I quickly tidied up the room and ironed my dress.

When I got to the Chapel, he had not yet arrived. I walked up to a pew at the front and sat down. The Chapel was empty. I fiddled with my phone for a while and then my mind went back to that kiss. I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him again. I quickly waved that thought off my mind. ‘Get a grip of yourself’, I whispered to myself just as Gozie walked in. I stood up and hugged him as we both sat down.

‘How was your day?’ He asked.

‘Boring’, I replied. ‘Ezinma went home today so the room is as silent as a graveyard’.

‘I can imagine’, he said. Gozie had met with Ezinma twice and he told me he liked her personality.

‘Anyways’, he continued, ‘Let’s not waste time. Let’s get to the business of the day. Hope you came with your Bible?’

‘Yes I did’, I said, bringing it out from my bag.

‘Today, I want us to study a topic called the new creation realities’. He brought out a notebook from his bag, opened it and started speaking. It was more of a teaching session than a bible study as I barely said a word. He spoke eloquently, teaching about the grace of God and what grace has done for us as believers. I listened with rapt attention, full of admiration as he spoke. This was the kind of man I wanted, one who would expose the word of God to me in great power and wisdom.

Moments later, the weather began to change. I sensed it was about to rain and I told him. He told me he was almost done and he began to round up his teaching session. As we held hands to pray, there was a loud clap of thunder and the electricity supply went off immediately. Everywhere became pitch black. I didn’t particularly like darkness, so I became a bit scared. Gozie seemed to have noticed this because he pulled me into his embrace and held me. I relaxed in his arms and then it started raining.

‘We will leave immediately the rain stops’, he said huskily.

I nodded in affirmation. I could hear his heart thumping loudly against my ears, and my mind went back to the kiss. I didn’t know who made the first move, but the next thing I knew was that I felt his lips against mine. My mind screamed NO but my flesh was too weak to resist him. I didn’t know how long we kissed but it felt as if time stood still. Then all of a sudden, I felt his hand under my blouse. I gasped and in that moment, electricity was restored.

We tore away from each other’s grip faster than the speed of light. It was as if the presence of light brought us back to our senses. I quickly adjusted my blouse and looked around to see if anyone had walked into the chapel without our knowledge. Thankfully, it was empty.

‘I have to go now’, I said as I stood up.

‘It’s still raining’, he replied. ‘Just wait for a few more minutes’.

I nodded, but I remained standing. My head was still reeling from the kiss and the feel of Gozie’s hand on my breast.

We remained silent until the torrents reduced to drizzles and then droplets.

‘We didn’t do anything sinful’, he started as we walked out of the Chapel.

I didn’t respond to him.

‘Remember what we discussed before the light went off’, he continued. ‘We are not under the law, we are under grace. Grace makes it impossible for us to sin’.

I stopped in my tracks and faced him.

‘Gozie, can I ask you a question?’

‘Sure, go ahead.’

‘If Pastor Anderson had walked into that building while we were kissing, would you have continued kissing me?’

He looked at me quizzically.

‘If you knew that Reverend Oti was somewhere within the chapel building would you have been bold enough to fondle with my breasts?’

Gozie mumbled something I didn’t hear.

‘That’s the point. You wouldn’t do that because somehow, you know that it is not right. We are not married yet so we do not have exclusive rights to each other’s bodies.

‘Stop it Angel. Why are you speaking this way?’

‘Because I am of the opinion that if you have to hide or snoop around to do it, then it is probably very wrong. It is only sin that thrives in darkness and fears exposure to light. Come on! Didn’t you see how fast we left each other’s embrace the moment electricity was restored? Would we have reacted that way if we were praying or singing psalms or just gisting?’

For once, Gozie was silent.

‘Gozie, to be sincere, that kiss felt good. But, can a man scoop fire in his laps and not be burned? Why should we start a fire when we know we are not ready for the outcome? It was just a kiss and a touch today. Who know what it would be tomorrow. Caressing? Fondling? Sex?’

‘One thing I know is that we will not be satisfied with just kissing. Our bodies will desire more, and we would be too weak to resist the pull. If we don’t stop it now, it won’t be long before we end up doing the main thing. Is that what you want?’

He didn’t respond.

We walked on quietly until we approached my hostel.

‘When are you going home?’ he asked quietly.

‘I don’t know yet’, I replied.

‘Okay. I will miss you badly when you leave. Please just stay around for some time’, he said with a pleading look in his eyes.

‘Alright Gozie. I’ll stay for as long as I can’.

‘Thank you’.

By this time, we had gotten to the front of my hostel. I bade him goodbye and climbed the staircase. My conscience pricked me with each step I took. What would have happened if the electricity had not been restored? I didn’t even want to think that far. How we progressed from Bible study and prayers to kissing and almost fondling was unbelievable.

Notwithstanding that Gozie tried to justify our misbehavior, I knew the truth. If our kissing was not wrong as he claimed, then why did it stir up a burning desire for more in me? Why did the stirring come with a heavy feeling of guilt? In my opinion, what we did amounted to eating our cake before it was properly baked. Such action comes with consequences.  

The next morning while I was preparing to have my bath, my phone rang. My mother was calling.

Thanks for reading. Episode 5 comes up next!